


Lost

by Jain



Category: Bangarang - Skrillex (Music Video)
Genre: Character of Color, Community: yuletide, M/M, POV Third Person, Past Tense
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-26
Updated: 2012-12-26
Packaged: 2017-11-22 12:38:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,250
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/609889
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jain/pseuds/Jain
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Rafael's been acting weird.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Lost

**Author's Note:**

  * For [mjules](https://archiveofourown.org/users/mjules/gifts).



Glenn was the most observant one of them; he paid attention to everything and everybody around him. It was why they kept making him their surveillance, from their first heist when they were just little kids, sneaking Kit-Kats at the corner store, to the Ice Cream Truck Job last week.

Paulie wasn't especially observant, but he paid attention to Rafael. (Maybe a little _too_ much attention, but Rafael and Glenn never called him on it.) So when Glenn nudged him one day and said, "There's something wrong with Rafa," Paulie answered, "Yeah, I noticed." Rafael had been weirdly quiet for _days_ , and there were purple shadows under his eyes, and Paulie couldn't be sure but he thought maybe Rafael wasn't eating. At least, he'd stopped carrying candy bars in his backpack to snack on, and the one time Paulie had invited him over for lunch, he'd refused and said he wasn't hungry.

"Since the Ice Cream Truck Job," Glenn added.

That was earlier than Paulie remembered it starting. The day of the Ice Cream Truck Job was kind of a blur for him, though: the high-paced kick of a heist mixed with the panicky rush of almost getting caught. By the time they were safe in their hideout and stuffing themselves full of delicious, stolen ice cream, he'd been too silly with relief to notice much of anything. And then Rafael had been too busy with homework to hang out with them for a couple of days and, yeah, okay, maybe that _had_ been the first sign that something was wrong.

"Maybe," he said reluctantly. "What do you wanna do about it?"

Glenn gave him an unimpressed look. "You should talk to him. Find out what's wrong."

" _Me?_ " Paulie asked. "Why don't you do it?"

"He listens to you more," Glenn said, and Paulie felt his face turn hot, very glad at that moment that his skin was too dark for Glenn's sharp eyes to see that he was blushing. Glenn probably didn't even mean it; ten to one, he was just trying to get out of having to talk to Rafael himself.

Or maybe he really _did_ think that Paulie and Rafael had, like, some sort of extra connection. Something more than just being best friends and partners in crime. The idea made Paulie feel kind of sick to his stomach, but in a good way, like riding the Turboclone for the seventh time in a row and not knowing or caring if he was going to puke the second he got off.

"Bullshit," he said. Then he shrugged very casually. "But I guess I'll talk to him if you won't. Somebody has to, right?"

* * *

"Hey," Rafael said when he answered the door. His mouth twitched a little in what was probably supposed to be a smile.

"Hey," Paulie said. "Uh. We need to talk."

The not-smile disappeared. "There's nothing to talk about."

"C'mon, Rafael, I _know_ that's not true. What's going on with you?"

Rafael just stared at him, his face tired and miserable.

Paulie sighed. "My mom's still at work," he said. "You want to come over? _Please?_ "

There was a long silence, and Paulie had started wondering if he should go get Glenn so that they could double-team Rafael, when Rafael sighed, too, and said, "Fine." He put on his coat and shouted, "Josie! I'm going to Paulie's house!"

"Call if you're going to be out late," Josie shouted back. She was okay for a big sister, but she worried too much, even though Paulie knew that Rafael didn't tell her a _tenth_ of the stuff they got up to.

Rafael didn't roll his eyes as he usually did when she acted all overprotective, though. He just shouted, "Okay," and headed out with Paulie.

Neither of them spoke a single word on the four blocks' walk to Paulie's house. As soon as they were inside, Paulie led the way to the kitchen. "I'm making us cocoa," he announced. His mom always made him cocoa before serious conversations, while she would have a cup of tea or coffee.

Rafael didn't say anything. He sat at the kitchen table and played with the edge of a placemat while Paulie heated up water and got out the cocoa packets and fixed them their drinks.

"Here," he said and put a mug of cocoa in front of Rafael. He sat down next to him and said, "Is it the Ice Cream Truck Job that's been bugging you?" since it looked as if Rafael wasn't going to start talking anytime soon.

Rafael gave him a startled, guilty look that was as good as a 'yes.'

"We all got out okay," Paulie said, a little hesitantly, since it was such a stupidly obvious thing to say, but maybe Rafael needed to hear it anyway. "I mean, yeah, it was kind of scary for a moment there--I thought for sure I'd get sent to juvie and my mom would kill me--but we're all fine."

Rafael shook his head. "The ice cream man," he said, all in a rush.

Paulie frowned. "What about him?"

"I...I hurt him really bad, Paulie."

He sounded like it was ripping his throat up to force the words out, and Paulie felt a cold trickle of unease in his stomach. "What did you do? I didn't see. I figured you, like, kicked him in the balls, and that's how we got away."

"Jesus, I wish that was all." Rafael closed his eyes, as though he couldn't bear to look at Paulie anymore. Or maybe as though he couldn't bear to watch Paulie looking at him. "I slammed the door on his hand, and there was all this blood..." His voice was shaking by this point, and so were his hands; Paulie only hesitated a few seconds before standing up to pull him into a hug. "I feel like the worst person in the world," Rafael whispered while Paulie squeezed him tightly.

"You're not," he said. "It was an accident. You didn't really _mean_ to hurt him."

"I _did_ hurt him, though," Rafael said.

"Okay, but." Paulie searched desperately for the right thing to say, the thing that would make Rafael stop shaking and hurting and hating himself. "We'll be twice as careful next time. Ten times as careful. We'll only steal from bad guys, and we won't hurt anyone unless they deserve it."

"We won't hurt anyone at all, ever," Rafael corrected, his voice still rough but also firmer and more sure than it had been all week.

"All right," Paulie agreed quickly. "We won't hurt anyone." He let go of Rafael, because it felt weird to be hugging him for so long, especially now that Rafael seemed mostly okay, and pushed him gently towards his chair. "Drink your cocoa before it gets cold," he said and picked up his mug to follow his own advice. "And stop feeling so guilty. It wasn't just your fault that we were unprepared."

They hadn't _seemed_ unprepared at the time--they'd all felt so smart for planning their heist, for coming up with a response to each likely move the ice cream man would make. But obviously they'd been wrong, if they could screw up so badly. Jesus. The ice cream man wasn't the nicest guy around, but he wasn't _evil_ or anything. Paulie watched Rafael sip his cocoa and made himself stop thinking about blood and broken bones and pain, focusing on just one thought: "Never, never again."


End file.
